Hello, MOKA!

Egy vegyesz lany ekepp sirankozik computer-hazifeladata folott:

-Hat en nem ertem, hogy leforditva a forrast, miert lesz a vege mindig 
fagyas?!

Udv: Nebulus

Mindenkinek kellemes karacsonyt es boldog uj evet kivanok!
     O
     |\
     |_\___O
   __|   |
   ST.Wizard

'cseertesseek!

	kovacs ooermestert aathelyezik az alakulataatool, mert mindig mindenki-
vel fogadott (szooval rontotta a koezerkoelcsoet StB...), megeerkezik az uuj
helyeere, a parancsnok mindjaart azzal fogadja, hogy:
	- na, hallja e, itt aztaan nem, fog fogadni!
	- na fogadjunk, hogy szemoelcs van a fenekeen
	- miiii
	- mondom, van, fogadjunk 50 pengooebe
	(mivel a parancsnok uugy laatta, hogy 50 tisztaan nem rossz)
	- jool van
	a parancsnok letolta a gatyaajaat, szemoelcs sehol, kovaacs nagyon    
oerul
	- haat maga minek oeruel, most veszetett 50 pengoet
	- az igaz, de az elooezooe parancsnokommal 100-ba fogadtam, hogy maga  
maar az elsooe nap megmutatja a fenekeet


    keetsoros:
	kismalac, kismalac engedj be!
	nem engedlek, loofasz a seggedbe!

//	st.wizardnak: mit vagy uugy oda, nem csak a te witzeidet lopjaak

	megy a menyecske az uuton, kosaar a fejeen, szembe joen vele a huszaar,
na a menyecske elkezd sikiitozni
	- haa mit oobeegat szentem
	- feelek, hogy a viteez uur leteper
	- de haat kosaar van a fejeen
	- na, addig leteszem


	mooriczka:
	- anyuuu, kimehetek jaatszani?
	- ki
	- haat een

	ivaant, joet es zsigaat meglaatogatja a jootuendeer:
	- skacok itt van ez a medence, amit mondotok az lesz benne
	nekiront ivaan: vodkaabaa.... ploccs, benne va a neduueben, uuszkaal
benne, iszik nagyookat...
	nekiront joe: whyskibe.... ploccs, (uugy tesz mint ivaan)
	nekiron t zsiga is, megcsuuszik szegeeny, ploccs: a  gecibe ....


	mindenkinek nyugodalmas jooccakaat!

	uedv
	tibor

Szasztok kedves mokazok!
      
          
   Kis szunet utan ujra itt vagyok.

     
   Gabor irja tegnap:
   
> Ivan Ivanovics szovjet gyalogos naploja:
> 
> - 1944 feb. 9. pentek
>    Ma bevonultunk az erdobe es kivertuk a franya Fricceket. Gyozelem!
> - 1944 feb. 10. szombat
>    A franya friccek ejszaka megleptek bennunket es visszafoglaltak az erdot.
> - 1944 feb. 11. vasarnap
>    A hosi szovjet csapat ma ismet kiverte a Fricceket az erdobol!
> - 1944 feb. 12. hetfo
>    Ma jott az erdesz es mindenkit kivert az erdobol.

 Ezt a viccet en partizannal es a muszkakkal ismerem Hofi eloadasaban.

 Kismalac (Tibi) irja:
> sziasztok kis gecik!
  
 Koszonjuk Tibikem, koszonjuk! 
 
 Es ha mar Hofinal tartunk, ime:
 
   Tudjatok hogy keszul a bolondokhazaban a koltsegvetes?
   Harom bolondtol megkerdeztek azt, hogy:
   - 6*6!?
   - ooe... ooe...   ...  kilencven!
   - ???  6*6!?
   - ... haaat... ooe ... pentek!
   - *???*  6*6!?
   - Harminchat!
   - Aah! Hogy jott ki?
   - A kilencvenbol kivontam a penteket.
   
   
   Hazamegy a ciganygyerek es mondja az apjanak:
   - Apa, en skinhead akarok lenni!
   Az apa jol elveri a fiat:
   - Majd adok en neked, meg hogy skinhead!!!
   Fel ora mulva a gyerek megy az anyjahoz:
   - Anyu, en skinhead akarok lenni!
   Megismetlodik az elobbi eset.
   A ciganygyerek, morcosan:
   - Meg csak fel oraja akarok skinhead lenni, de maris utalom a
     ciganyokat!


                      Fegy (Tiborcz), Olmutz, 1994 dec.15

Elso MOKAZO vagyok, es szeretnem megosztani veletek a itt keringo baromsagokat.
Kellemes szorakozast kivanok.

(Elnezest, hogy nem forditottam le, de a vizsgaim kozepen vagyok)

50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going
   to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)

  1.  Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
  minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some
  gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

  2.  Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the
  secret documents!!"

  3.  If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
  answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the
  integral symbol.

  4.  Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's
  left nostril.

  5.  Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate
  your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm
  SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk
  the instructor is.

  6.  Bring cheerleaders.

  7.  Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly
  say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to
  every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are
  you? Where's the regular guy?"

  8.  Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max
  level.

  9.  On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to
  refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
  question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
  creative.

  10.  Bring pets.

  11.  Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
  relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the
  country" and run off.

  12.  Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
  very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
  Christmas."  If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
  Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

  13.  Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

  14.  Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
  head, and nothing else.

  15.  Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as
  vulgar as possible.

  16.  Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make
  one up!  For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

  17.  Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
  Blame it on the person nearest to you.

  18.  As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

  19.  Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be
  taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let
  them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of
  the profits if they are allowed to stay.

  20.  Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
  another seat, continue with the exam.

  21.  Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out,
  start commenting on how easy it was.

  22.  Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If
  it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE.
  etc..).

  23.  Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
  completely blacked out.

  24.  Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
  violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

  25.  Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
  instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving
  after one hour to go drink)

  26.  Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point
  during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

  27.  Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,
  tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on
  above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

  28.  Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

  29.  Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put
  on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera"
  until they drag you away.

  30.  Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the
  class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.
  Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take
  the exam.

  31.  Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say
  "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our
  Lives is on!!!"

  32.  Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

  33.  From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore
  the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to
  leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the
  River Kwai.

  34.  Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

  35.  If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you
  could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
  equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life
  story.

  36.  Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and
  shield.

  37.  Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the
  exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

  38.  Bring cheat sheets TO ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious...
  like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just
  failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
  the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

  39.  When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

  40.  After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
  question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

  41.  One word: Wrestlemania.

  42.  Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they
  do before concerts start.

  43.  Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

  44.  Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

  45.  Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.
  Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

  46.  Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent
  to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

  47.  During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
  anything you can reach.

  48.  Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
  degree angle.

  49.  Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are
  asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook
  with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
  instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

  50.  Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"


				THE RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF:

1-Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
Normally one club and two balls.
2-Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the course.
3-Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the
balls out of the hole.
4-For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shart stiffness before play begins.
5-Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid
damage to the hole.
6-The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the
course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course
again.
7-It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course.  The experienced player will normally take time to
admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8-Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played  or are
currently playing to the the owner of the course being played.
Upset owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9-Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along just in case.
10-Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone
else is playing what they consider to be a private course.
11-Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily
under repair.  Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation.
More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the
case.
12-Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
13--Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed
at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
14--It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play a hole
several times in one match.
15--The course owner is the sole judge of who is the best player.
Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given
course.  additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the
rules are subject to change.  For this reason, many players prefer to
continue to play several different courses.
  End of message-  happy playing

Mindenkit tisztelettel udvozol,    ADAM

PS:Meg jon egy jo par ilyen!

Ivan Ivanovics horga'szik a to'parton.
Me'g zu'g a feje az elo"zo" napi vodka'to'l.
Egyszer csak hirtelen kifogja az aranyhalat.
Az aranyhal megszo'lal:
-Kedves Ivanovics elvta'rs, teljesi'tem 3 ki'va'nsa'god.
Ivan:
-Ha't, o:o:o:... a horga'sza'shoz jo'l jo:nne egy poha'r vodka.
E's lo"n.
-Mi a ma'sodik ki'va'nsa'god?
-Ha't, o:o:o:... a vodka'hoz jo'l jo:nne egy so:r.
E's lo"n.
-Mi a harmadik ki'va'nsa'god?
-Ha't, o:o:o:......
Puff.(Agyonu:ti az aranyhalat.)
-a so:rho:z jo'l jo:nne egy hal.

*.: - Milyen statisztAk voltak II.vil.hab. nemet hadseregben (A=E)?
    - Fasiszta tiszEk.

*.: MOKA #549
>  Allitolag megtortent:
>  "Felesegul vettem egy ozvegyasszonyt, ...
   Sajnos nem tortent meg, ez egy naCCSag iromanya, azt hiszem 
   B. Shaw-e. 

                          Dr.Dr.K.S., 1994.XII.15 USA

Sziasztok!      (Bar tudom, hogy ez a koszones nem olyan frappans,
                     mint amilyet nehany mokatarsunk kitalalt)
                     
Par honapja mar lelkes olvasoja vagyok ennek az elektronikus Ludas 
(Ludens) Matyinak, de meg nem vetemedtem irasra. Talan most is 
megbocsatotok nekem. Ha valamely viccem, mar napvilagot latott volna 
eme mediaban, kerem PgDw billentyu hasznalatat. Tisztaban vagyok 
vele, hogy nehany emberke igen morcos, ha hasonlo viccet tobbszor is 
olvas nehany heten belul, de azt hiszem tobb honap tavlataban ez
talan elnezheto.
Bocs a hosszu bevezetoert, ime nehany vicc:

Piroska setal az erdoben. Egyszercsak jon szembe (ugyse talaljatok ki 
kicsoda) a farkas. Majd megkerdezi:
-Hova mesz te hulye Picsa?
-Nem vagyok en hulye picsa, a Piroska vagyok, s megyek a Nagymamahoz, 
viszek neki ennivalot.
Kis ido multan ujra talalkoznak. Farkas ujra:
-Hova mesz te hulye Picsa?
-Mondtam mar, hogy nem vagyok hulye picsa, de kulonben a Nagymamanak 
viszek kajat.
Ujabb ido elteltevel ismet osszefutnak. Farkas kerdi:
-Hova mesz te hulye picsa?
-Mondtam mar farkas, hogy nem vagyok hulye picsa, hanem a Piroska 
vagyok, es megyek a nagymamahoz, viszek neki enni.
-Es hol van a kosarad?
-Oh, en hulye picsa, otthon felejtettem!


Mas. A minap egy falusi lagzin voltam. A vofelytol hallottam a 
kovetkezot:
A ferfiakat eletkoruk szerint, a kovetkezo megyekhez hasonlithatjuk:
-20-on evesen:  Vas megye.
-30-on felul:   Heves megye.
-50-en tul:     Bekes megye.
-60 utan:       Tolna, de nem megye.


Errol jut eszembe, melyek a ferfi egyed(vissza)fejlodesenek szakaszai?
Eloszor rendes ember.
Az eljegyzes utan:  Gyurusfereg;
Eskuvo utan:        Papucsallatka.


Kosz a turelmet,

Bye,
        Lev

Miutan magamhoz tertem Vonyi verseit olvastambol, eszembe jutott egy
regesregi katonavicc.
Ugy szol, hogy kikepzesen vesz reszt a cigany (ezzel meghazudtolva azon
tevhireket, miszerint csak akkor van rajta bakancs, ha a szkinhed raall
a nyakara) es eppen kuszni-maszni kellen neki. Mire a kikepzohoz fordul
s imigyen szol:
- Install(al)om, en ezt nem csinalhatom, mer' ennekem aranyerem van
- Katona, en szarok a maga kitunteteseire, megertette?
                                                           Kolos

Es kikerem magamnak: KATO micsodajat en kezdtem legeslegelsonek piszkalni
(persze O utana).

U.i.: Vonyieknak: (vigyazat, nagyon rossz lesz...)

Szerelmes lovag ferjes szeretojet szomoruan talaja, mert erenyovet csatolt ra
a feltekeny ferj:
                  Mert van kegyed igy letorve,
                  Szajan nincsen szemerorve...

- Kepzeld, a mult ejszaka betorok jartak nalunk, es a ferjem huvosen 
fogadta oket!
- Huvosen? Hogyhogy?
- Olyan huvosen, hogy meg a foga is  vacogott bele!
######################################################################
Fizikaoran megkerdezi a tanar Belat, honnan jon az aram.
- Az oserdobol - felel a krapek.
- Honnan veszed ezt?
- Onnan, hogy amikor multkor nem volt aram, apam azt mondta: "Na, ezek 
a majmok mar megint kikapcsoltak a villanyt!"
######################################################################
Ujfent fizikaora. A nebulok a szabadesest veszik epp, egy srac pedig 
folyton kiteszi a labat, hatha valaki elnyal benne.
- He, fiam - szol ra a tanero - hogy hivnak teged?
- Pataki.
- Na, akkor pata be!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Ferj es feleseg setal a parkban. A kozelben egy fiatal par vadul 
csokolozik.
- Mondd, fiacskam - kerdi az asszony - te miert nem csinalsz ilyet?
- Ne viccelj, nem is  ismerem azt a lanyt!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Ket kapatos cimbora nez egy lovaskocsit.
- De irigylem ezeket a lovakat, haver!
- Mi...miert, hukk?
- Mert negykezlab mehetnek haza, hukk!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Ezzel most abbahagyom.Ciao!

> A felesegem a nagyanyam, hiszen anyam anyja
Nem inkabb igy:
  A felesegem a nagyanyam, hiszen lanyom anyja
Bar ez sem a legjobb megfogalmazas, de az anyam anyja nem OK.

Udv
Gerzson

Sziasztok Mokka'zo'k!

Sajna lemaradtam enyhe fuvallatu lebaszasaimrol, de mult heten a kar 
tanuloi (~900 koponya) szamara rendelkezesre allo 12 db gep kozul 
hatot lefoglaltak vizsgajelentkezesre, ugyhogy most me'g ritkabban 
lehet ilyen luxusokkal elni, mint holmi Internet (persze logikus, 
csak basszanto).

Dr. Dr. Kristyan Todor! Nagyot tette'l velem. Egesz eletemet 
Szedlacsek-szindromaban eltem volna le (t.i., azt hittem, az en 
nevemmel nem lehet mondatot mondani). 

Ma's.
Felmerult bennem egy kerdes a BuLi-val kapcsolatban. Olvasom:
> - A non-HIXerek kiszurese a bejaratnal ...
Hogyan? Tesztkerdesek lesznek? Esetleg fel kene soroltatni az 
erkezokkel min. 3 szta'rviccet (for example: pitbull, lero'ka, 
parasztazanyaad, ...).

Meg egy kerdes a Keteves Nyeretlen Sugerek Klubjanak soros es 
parhuzamos elnokehez: Zo Lee, nem kene egy KNSK bulit is csinalni?

> -------------------------------------------------------------------
Na, jo, azert kuldok egy viccet is:

Vitatkozik egy zsido es egy gorog, hogy melyikuk kulturaja o"sibb.
Mondja a gorog:
 - Nalunk Athen mellett az asatasoknal re'zdro'tokat talaltak. Ez azt 
bizonyitja, hogy az okori gorogorszagban mar ismerte'k a ta'vi'ro't.
 - Az semmi! - mondja a zsido - Nalunk felastak Jaffa egesz 
kornyeke't, es egy fia re'zdrotot sem talaltak. Ez azt bizonyitja, 
hogy az okori Izraelben mar ismertek a drotnelkuli tavirot.

--------------------------------EOV-------------------------------

Byebye, azt hiszem, csak jovo heten koptatom szemeimet (es agyamat)
legkozelebb errefele', de ne csuggedjetek, me'g e'lek...

                                            Rubio
                                  (tegnap tzn Kcal a so:r)
                
   \     \        
  \ \ \ \  \ \ \ \
 \  \  \  \
\     \  \  \ \ \
        \ \ \ \       
        
P.s: Nebulus, Zo Lee, Dr.Dr., es a tobbi kulfodbe szakadt hontalan!   
     Lesztek 29.-e'n??????

- Mi a kozos Kossuth Lajosban es Napoleonban ?
 - ????
 - Mindketto szakallas, kiveve Napoleont.



 A vicc is szakallas, de jo.

 Udvozlendjuk a Diszno Demontot.

Sziasztok!

Visszater a a TOPlistara pitbull-vicc?
Na inkabb irok neheny viccet:

Megy a cigany meg a pap az utcan. Elmennek egy feszulet elott. A pap 
meghajol, keresztet vet. A cigany megkerdezi:
- Ki ez, hogy igy csinalsz neki?
- Tudod, cigany, o adja a mindennapi kenyerunket...
- Aha...
Mennek tovabb. A cigany csak gondolkkozik, majd megszolal:
- Tan csak nem pek a csavo?

****

A cigany intezi a karacsonyi bevasarlast. A templom fele vezet utja, 
ahol a bejarat elott feszuletekket arulnak. Nagyon megtetszikk neki:
- Mennyibe kerul az az ize ott?
- 2500.
- Jajj, az nagyon sok.
Elmegy, gondolkozik, majd megint visszajon:
- Es az artista nelkul mennyier adja?

Egyelore ennyi.
Csa'
    Csumbe